Boot camp

As many of you know my A race is Spartathlon. It is the one race I want to finish. All others are merely the means of getting a finish in Greece. The weather during Spartathlon is hot.

·       Not some English heat wave hot.

·       Not even German hot.

·       But really fucking hot.

A muggy car fumed polluted heat in Athens, followed by a humid heat along the coast road, to a dry heat in the Peloponnese. I would like to say, followed by the warmth of the Sparta people as you arrive to kiss the statue. But as I have not run that far I can't really say that.

The speed with which you have to do it plus the heat, means getting some form of heat training is recommended if not required. Some people in the British Spartathlon team have access to universities with heat chambers, which sounds like a good idea. But not me, bin liners are the closest I can get.

I have been getting up at 4:45 am to start running since January, in a virtual club with Mark Woolley in Spain and Nick Papageorge in Denmark. Facebook starts buzzing at five am with 'Morning' messages followed by a bit of childish scatological banter. Then it is time to get up and run. I had started off doing ten kilometers around the lake near my flat and this has graduated to running the sixteen kilometers to and fro to work. Although getting up so early is good discipline for Spartathlon, I know it is not enough. I need some heat training and a method of sorting out my biggest problem. I get through the night on long races and then I am so annoyed that I quit for girly bullshit reasons.

I have been searching for the reason for nearly a year. Not fit enough? I am getting faster and lighter than ever, although I could still lose a couple of kilos...not mentally tough enough? I have been through stuff that would make most people take the easy option out.

No matter how much I want a finish at the beginning, all that desire leaves me. It has happened three times now. Spartathlon 2013, The Hill 2013 and Tortourderuhr 2014. Mark Cockbain, whose opinion I respect a lot, because of what he has done, thinks I'm just being a pussy.

Mark Woolley, Nick and I had been discussing what happens to me and we think we have a possible answer. Mark invited Nick and me to his place in Malaga for a boot camp in to prepare for Spartathlon and explore the issue face to face or rather foot to foot as it would involve a lot of running.

I was thinking I couldn't afford it. Unbeknownst to me Mark and Nick conspired and announced that they would pay for me to fly out. It turned out my contract was extended and Ryanair did cheap flights from Dortmund to Malaga, so I didn't have to take them up on the offer, bloody nice of them, all the same. It illustrates that I have met lots of really nice people since I took up ultra running.

I arrived on the Thursday morning waited for Woolley to pick me up at the airport. He was late...no surprise as I always found that teachers are late for classes.

At this point it is appropriate to thank Mark' wife,  Elena and their kids for putting up with me and Nick. We can be a bit loud at times.

As we drove from Malaga to his house in the hills, it was apparent the conditions would be idea heat training for Spartathlon. This part of Spain is very similar to the Spartathlon route and the weather is a perfect match, hot and dry. After we picked up Nick, we chatted for a while and exchanged greeting presents as you do when you stay with friends.

What a pair of mugs

Nicks boot

Dinner at the Woolly house

Fat & Ugly paddling

Planning the route

At the start 

Ronda Bridge

Start of the park

Bull

The most important conclusion of the boot camp for me that I need food and lots of to keep going. Oh and to try and keep a consistent pace and not try to speed up unnecessarily.

Then we prepared for the first run. Nick being somewhat daft had picked up a plantar fasciitis injury and couldn't run. In fact walking was an issue and he had to wear a boot to protect his foot. Therefore he was going to follow us on a bike and needed to adjust it for his frame.

I went to the loo and after I flushed it I noticed that the pump was rather loud. Then I went to Woolley's cellar to see what was taking them so long. It turned out the rumble I had heard was not from the pump, but Woolley's enormous Harley Davidson.

Fortunately Nick wasn't going to follow on the Harley but Mark's mountain bike. After changing the pedals so that Nick's shoes could clip in we drove off in Mark's 4x4 to the start of the trail. Mark said this was to be a simple warm up run.

‘Just up the trail a bit’ he said.  6km and 500m of climb later we reached the halfway point, a large concrete cistern filled directly from a mountain stream. I was very glad of the water and a moment’s relief.

That evening we went for a meal in a local restaurant and found out about Mark's allergy to fish. He lives near the sea and doesn't like the beach or fish. Odd fellow.

The second day started shortly before eight am and was to be 50km tour of the mountain on which Mark's house is perched. We ran down to the valley and began the circumnavigation. I soon began to wish we had commenced at five am. The sun was up and it was already above thirty degrees.

This is where I found out that Mark teaches Physics. It is a good job it is not Geography as the guy has no concept of the difference between hill and mountain. Four hundred meters of climb does not a hill make...that is a mountain.

The weather just kept getting hotter and hotter and Woolley wouldn't let me stop. The pace was quite relentless, just like it needs to be for Spartathlon. Nick was encouraging us from the bike and providing us, well mainly me, with food. I was taking a regular five minute walking break every hour to eat whatever food Nick provided. There were fountains fed by mountain streams at regular intervals. I was soon overheating and dowsing my body with water. At 40km I really had had enough. As I walked to where the other two had stopped to wait for me I really wanted to tell them to fuck off. Mark could see I was suffering and told me to take some gels. This picked my mood up for a while.

I started wasting energy calculating the distance left and the speed we were going at. This is completely pointless. You just have to keep running until the end and not to worry about these silly numbers.

By now we were going downhill and we passed the entrance to the trail head we had driven to the day before.

“Not far Rob, Not far”.......like that Tiny Unt knows what far is!

We were about two to three kilometers from the end and Woolley starts to panic as the fountain he was planning on dousing me in isn't there. I don't remember if that is because it was dry or had been moved. The pair of them led me to a fountain on a roundabout and soaked me for what seemed like five minutes. It felt good and I must have looked really bad.

As we set off I declared that there was no way I was going to run up the hill to his house.

'Don't be silly Rob. Walking up there would be really soft and you hate soft people. I am going to make you run up.'

We reached the turning and started running up. Well it was more of a fast shuffle. But still I was moving up a couple of hundred meters of climb and we reached the bottom of what seemed like an endless flight of stairs.

I paused and looked up to see Woolley a quarter of the way up waiting for me. He started a countdown.

'Five'

What the fuck is he doing?

Four'

The cheeky cunt thinks he has broken me.

''Three'

I am going to chin the little shit when I catch him.

'Two'

You will never catch him

'One'

I will get him

'Go!'

I set off and nearly caught him. Just as I reached the top of the stairs I turned up to see another slope. I knew at the end of the route at Woolley's house there was a pool, this drove me on. As we reached the pool I dived in and I swear steam started bubbling away

Basically he had broken me.

We had a quiet night, joining the Woolley family in a meal. His kids entertained us with stories of what it is like to be at the same school that your father teaches at.

We also discussed my performance. I was wondering how I would cope with the 100km we had planned for the Sunday.

Mark expounded 'You're a Fat Unt. You have a lot of weight to keep moving. You need to eat a lot, a lot more than today. Nick will support you on Sunday and give you food. Don't think about what he gives you, just eat it.'

Well who am I to argue against a man of Woolley's record. I can eat for Britain, basically I am 150 kilo man trapped in a 75 kilo body. Just as long as there was no jam, Jam is just wrong. It looks wrong; it smells wrong and tastes wrong.

The next day was to be a recovering run. My legs were still sore from the day before. Mark took us up the road to the park again and we started running up his ‘hills’ to the cistern we had drunk from on the Thursday. My heart was beating very hard, so we kept the pace slow.

When we reached the cistern Mark took his socks and shoes off, walked up the stairs by the side of it and disappeared over the edge. I followed and saw him perched on the edge dangling his legs in the water.

'Cold water, best thing for a recovery.'

I finished climbing up and jumped in. Damn! It was so cold I couldn't breathe. My balls went up so far I was speaking in falsetto tones. Nick was a bit slower coming up, what with having to take the special bike shoes off and his injury.

'What's it like'

'Lovely' I squeaked.

Nick jumped in and nearly had a heart attack. His face was contorted in pain. I couldn't stop laughing.

We ran back down the mountain pissing ourselves. That Saturday afternoon we went into Malaga for a spot of shopping and had a paddle in the Mediterranean

That afternoon Woolley planned the 100km route, struggling with technology.

He sent me and Nick to buy supplies. We bought shed loads of food. 30 liters of water, Sausages, hams, Peanut M&Ms and 12 rice puddings which took us a while to find. You need to look for Arroz in Spain.

When we got back the kitchen was full of the aroma of curry. I love a good curry me. Unfortunately, we would miss it as we were going to sleep under the stars in the national park we were to run through the next day.

It was siesta time and as we settled down Mark told us that the curry was for us and would we mind staying instead of the camping adventure. Tough call, but I will elect for a curry over camping every time.

We got up at five am and drove the few hours to the start in Ronda, an ancient town 100km from Woolley’s house. We started at around seven am at the gates of Ronda’s bull ring

The start is quite spectacular as we have to run over a bridge across a gorge

We saw a few locals out with their dogs and quit a few drunks. It was very peaceful, but I am not one for silence, I asked Mark loads of questions about physics and he proved to be an excellent teacher.

We reached a roadside cafe frequented by bike and the Spanish Ferrari club at about 12km and stopped for a spot of breakfast. I had anchovies on toast...lovely. 

We went on a while and then reached the entrance to the Sierra de las Nieves National Park.

This has some spectacular scenery and loads of hills. The pictures below do not do it justice at all.

It is completely unspoiled and in the time we were there we saw three other people and two houses, loads of goats and sheep though.  The animals roam free and we had to walk past a bull who stared very suspiciously at us.

Mark tried to point out a horizontal line on the mountain the distance to me.

‘See that line above the trees’

‘No’

‘Well that is where we are going to run’

Later I found out that Mark does not know the meaning of horizontal as the trail in the mountains was far from flat.  Twenty kilometers in and we had taken two and half hours. We climbed over one mountain trail and then dropped down the other side, over and over again.

Nick was stopping on regular intervals and giving me masses to eat. One specialty was rice pudding decanted into plastic bags. You can use it as chill pack and then tear a corner from the bag and suck the rice pudding out. 

Not far into the park we were at over 1,300m looking down of a massive rolling plain of grass. Mark said it reminded him of the Fields of Rohan from the Lord of the Rings. I had to agree, it was beautiful.

With the amount of food Nick was giving me it was not long before I needed a dump.  I perched myself in the V of a smooth sided Lime tree.  I couldn't help thinking that with the amount of nuts Nick was giving me, I was turning into a squirrel.

Nick managed to find some goats and pigs to stop by.

As we left the park we had covered over 50km and we ran down from the mountain plateau to a town called Tolox. This reminded me of the bit on Sparta last year, during which I got muscle cramp in my calf. This time I barely felt the steep decent in my legs. We stopped and had a coffee and alcohol free beer.  Nick pointed out that town’s name rhymes with Bollox.  That is about as intellectual as we got during the second half of the run.

An example of the depths of childishness we descended was the snake. We spotted a dead rather flattened snake on the roadside. I picked it up, hid it in my hat and then at the next stop put it on the passenger seat. It is shame we didn’t see Nicks face when he found it.

I started thinking about the distance covered and was quiet pleased that I felt good and didn’t even feel the 70km or so in my legs.  By this time we could see the mountain that marked the end of the run.

‘Just 15km to go ‘Mark said at the roundabout

‘Just 15km to go ‘Mark said at the top road

‘Just 15km to go ‘Mark said at the end of the village before his

Basically he had no idea. 

I sped up for a while and tried to get so far ahead of Mark I could hide in the car....but I am not that fast.

We got to the end without any more notable events.  I was really pleased to have done the 96km with 2000m of ascent in twelve hours.  The constant feeding also meant I had no problems with quitting. Our Chrissy couldn't understand why we didn’t keep running until the GPS watch said 100km.  I pointed out that Marks watch said 98km so you really can’t count on them. 

Sadly, I have to announce the passing away of two dear friends.  I finally dumped my Orange Asics GT2000. These babies have done over 2,000km and two tubes of shoe goo.

Being a plodder I don't need a fancy dan lightweight shoe. I am too heavy for minimalist ones and Hokas give me blisters. I have been using Asics for almost all of my running, more than fifteen years. I get a trail pair for the winter and a normal pair for the summer and run them into the ground. I generally keep the summer pair going with Shoe goo until the uppers fall apart. 

Rest in  Peace, you faithful friends.

TorTourdeRuhr

All pictures courtesy of TorTourdeRuhr organisation and associates. 

Introduction

The Tortourderuhr is a 230km race to be completed in 38 hours organised every two years by Jens Veiler and his crew. It starts at the source of the Ruhr in Winterberg and ends where the Ruhr joins the Rhine in Duisburg. I described it as the GUCR of Germany and in this I was a little mistaken as the route is not as flat as I expected.


The route

My preparation for this race was going well until mid May. I had started running the 16-17km to and fro to work at least 3 times a week. My weight was slowly coming down and even going under 72kg. This time it was going to be ok. This time I would finish a plus 200km race.

I picked up an injury to my back three weeks from the start. It was quite painful and meant not only could I not run but moving from standing to sitting, vice versa and even walking was an issue. Bending resulted in sharp pain shooting up my spine. Being a contractor means I can not really take time off work and working away from home means a visit to the doctor is difficult to arrange.

I commenced in treating it with twice daily applications of Voltaren. When this didn't make any difference I started on ABC warm plasters. Slowly it got better, but I had to buy the entire supply of these plasters in the Ruhr region.

Lacking in running meant my weight ballooned upwards so that on race day I stood at a hefty 78kg.

This, by the way, is not an excuse for not finishing. We will come to that.

We got up at 4am on race day to drive the 150km to the start. Two of my sons, Tom and Ross were crewing me. I did ask the boys if they wanted to contribute...but they said only to say they will never crew for me again. Can't blame them really. But thanks for trying it out lads.

It didn't get off to an auspicious start as Tom took the wrong lane getting onto the A5 and we're heading south , instead of north. Despite our initial panic and the lack of a turn off for several kilometers, we kept our heads followed the only allowable route giving us a 50 km detour. We were back taking the correct route within half an hour.

On the correct road 

As we drove further north into the mountainous Sauerland, it soon became apparent this was real backwoods country. The sort of place where they can tell you are not local due to you only having five fingers on your left hand. Our progress slowed as every village we drove through seem to have 30 kph speed limit enforced by sophisticated speed cameras. Ross expressed surprise that they had cars in the region. I commented the extraordinarily low speed limit was probably the top speed of the preferred method of motorised transport...the tractor.

Not with standing this we reached the start in plenty of time. It was up a trail at the place the Ruhr trickles out of the ground. I caught up with Jens and Frank Witzlar with whom I had run part of Sparta the previous year.

The source of the Ruhr

Me Tom and Ross pre race at the start 

The Race

Our race numbers were issued in the form of wristbands that you get in hospital. A quick race directors chat and we were off.

Initially the route is downhill through the woods and my back was ok. In fact it felt better running than at any other time. The temperature was already rising and got well into 30s by early morning.

I was wearing a white Injinji sun hat. A buff around my neck, a Spartathlon technical shirt, lycra shorts, Wright double skin socks and Asics GEL-Trail Lahar 5 G-TX trail shoes. I carried water in a backpack with a two liter bladder. I had taped my nipples and hot spots around the balls of my feet. My watch was a simple very large faced Adidas sports watch.

I took my first walking break at 25 minutes in as I was doing a 25/5 plan. At this point and at every 30 minutes I ate a gel and energy bar. I kept this up all the way through the race. The route was very undulating with some very steep up and down hills early on. This was unexpected but didn't worry me. The course is whatever it is and you have to run it no matter what.

I mentally broke the course down into refreshment points and didn't think about the daunting length of it. I met Tom and Ross at 13 km after 1:25. We filled up my bladder and I ate a banana and took and s cap. I was completing a psychologist survey at each checkpoint and according to what I completed at the time I was very happy.

The first official checkpoint was 27 km which I got to after three hours well within cut off times. Due to the heat lots of people dropped out at this point. I took a ham roll on at this time. Things seemed ok to me. The boys were always there and were having no difficulty navigating the route.

The 37 km refreshment point was reached at 12:23, 4:23 in and everything was still fine. I took some magnesium to prevent cramping. It was at this point we popped into McDonalds and got some ice. I place most of it in my hat and a few large chunks under my sweatband on my wrist. This works really well at cooling you down. However I could have taken a burger on.

I got to the 47 km refreshment point after 5:37 and it was time for a rice pudding. The course had not yet flattened out yet and we were still going up and down hills. I couldn't believe a run down a river valley would be so hilly. By this time we had barely seen the river. One time we did it was by the side of a weir. Combined with the heat and the narrow steepness of the valley here it was incredibly humid.

I got to 56 km after seven hours and found the boys playing football after being kicked out of the petrol station refreshment point. Tom was probably smoking :-)

They were doing a good job checking that I was eating according to the plan and my food bag was empty each time I met them.

The 67 km refreshment point was reached after 8:40. The heat and hills were really slowing me down. About this time I dipped my shirt into the Ruhr to cool down. It worked for about five minutes and then started steaming.

The second refreshment point was at 81 km and I reached after eleven hours at 19:00 and this was only half an hour within the cut off. I had my first panic as I worried about reaching 115km by 1am. I relaxed quickly and resolved to shorten my walking breaks that started become ten instead of five minutes.

I sped up a little and reached 93 km at 20:40 and then 101 km at 22:05 or 14 hours. Finally I had my next rice pudding. In hindsight I should have taken this earlier. Lack of food was starting to slow me down and I wasn't doing anything sensible about it.

My head torch was on by this time and I put another t shirt on top to keep warm. However it really didn't cool down much overnight. I was on viper energy bars with caffeine in instead of home made ones. I was sweating a lot during the night and I still don't know why.

I got to the 115 km reached at 12:30 and this is when I had my secondly major wobbly. It was a major swear fest. I was really tired despite the caffeine I was taking on for the last few hours. The official checkpoint was half a kilometre from the parking places. I thought this was stupid and was f'ing and blinding all the time I was there. Tom and Ross humoured me and pulled the chair out for me to put my legs up on. I tried closing my eyes but the yak yaking of the checkpoint crews really fucked me off.

I moved off really annoyed and threw up some water and immediately felt better.

I arranged to meet the boys at 123 km and that took a lot longer than expected. Instead of just running to the meeting point, I frantically called Tom to try and work out on google maps where they were. This was a complete waste of time and wasted energy.

Finally I met Tom and collapsed into the car with my feet up on the dashboard. Ugly Unt called me and kept my chin up and I moved on after 20 minutes or so. Again I made the mistake of missing out on food.

The next official checkpoint at 130 km had to be reached by 4am. I ended up getting there at 4:40 am but was allowed to carry on. The I threw another wobbly because I couldn't find the boys. They said they were before the checkpoint , but in fact they were after it. They weren't allowed to park at the checkpoint which was not odd. I was offered food and turned it down and then sent them off too soon. The boys were really tired by now so I told them I would meet them 23km away to give them time to sleep.

I got lost several times in the dark and played leap frog with a lady called Yvonne Prommesberger, every time I past her, she was resting on a foam mattress carried by her crew of four or five blokes on bicycles. I was extremely envious of her crew and mattress. The challenge of overtaken her kept me going and gave me an opportunity to practice my German with her and her crew. One of them mentioned we had less than two marathons to go which seemed achievable.

By the time I got to official 153km check point I was completely wasted. I checked in and took a ham and cheese roll. I could have had a couple of rice puddings and gels but I wasn't thinking straight.

As I chewed on the roll and tried to swallow it, it kept coming back up and I gave up trying to eat it. It was like eating cardboard. Ross had offered to butter it at the time but I stupidly overruled him.

As I walked down the side of the Kemnade See, a large lake not far from the flat I stay in during the week, my mood dropped like a stone plummeting from the fifty second floor. I wanted to tell the boys to met me at the next checkpoint in 8km away instead of the one 21km away. But have left my phone with them to charge and forgotten to pick up Ross' as a backup.

I needed energy and didn't have anything. I also forgot to carry some cash as then I could have bought something at the Bank holiday amusement fair that was just opening up. The aroma of wurst, burgers and sundry other easily digestible food was extremely incredibly annoying. The sun was rising and it was plus 30° by 9am.

I tried to run but couldn't get going. I tried marching but that was too much. I was wilting like a flower without water and felt just as floppy.

I met some guy who was dropping from the hundred mile race. He was walking back to the 153km checkpoint and it was all too tempting.

I ask him to lend me his phone. I could have called the boys if I knew their number instead. I called Chrissy. I intended to ask her to call the boys and to get them to meet me at the 161 km checkpoint.

In a moment of weakness I blurted out that I had quit and was walking back. What an idiot!

Looking back on it I regret this more than any other dnf.

I knew that going at the speed I was moving at about 15 minutes a km was unsustainable, but with a walking rest and a ton of food I would have speeded up.

Although by this time I was ahead of Yvonne she and many others behind me finished.

By the time I got back I got to the car and the boys I was even more annoyed with myself.

I collapsed in the car and pulled my shoes and socks off. I could see them were a mass of blisters and raw skin. I hadn't noticed this at all during the race. I have subsequently lost four toenails and another two will joining shortly.

I have lost the nail on the big toe as well

What went wrong?

The bad back certainly didn't help the preparation. Putting on weight and not running knocked my confidence levels. It still isn't 100% and I had a appointment with a back specialist this week.
The nutrition plan was far to low. I could have eaten a lot lot more. In doing this I would have had far more energy and been less likely to quit. I really don't have a good relationship with food. I tend to starve and feast. I have downloaded an app for my phone to record all that I eat and make sure I keep this on an even keel. I am far too heavy for the sorts of races I do. I need to look like a POW not a Fat Unt.
Wearing gore tex shoes on a blistering hot weekend was a mistake that I won't make again.

What went right?

I covered the most distance I have done in one go since GUCR 2013.
The 25/5 worked well, thanks to Pat Robbins.
I kept going throughout the night with very little food, toughing out the battle with the chimp.
Taking magnesium granules stopped muscle cramp.
Although I through a few wobblies, I soon got over them and ignored the bad feeling I had had only moment before. Zebra think from James Adams
The ice in the wristband is very effective. A tip from the Robbie Britton.

So TorTourdeRuhr didn't quite go as planned. This was supposed to be when I started to even out the number of success to failures at plus 200km. So far I have finished Ultrabalaton in 2011 and GUCR in 2013. Failures are Sparta 2012 & 2013, Ultrabalaton 2012, the Hill 2013, and now TorTourdeRuhr. 2 to 5. Still I have three more this year and I will even it out.

Don't try this at home.

I was planning on doing the Viking way this Easter but a few things conspired against it. What they were is not important, so I came up with an alternative. A self supported 24hour run at home. The idea was to run 10km route as often as possible in 24hours without stopping. What I wanted to prove was that I could defeat my chimp.

The previous weekend to Easter I ran the route four times in a reasonable fours hours and so I was confident of my abilities. Over confident it turned out.

I made my own energy bars during the week before. I have a very simple recipe. One tub of peanut butter, six mars bars melted in a bowl and then stir in oats. I also had plenty of GU gels, viper bars with added caffeine, four rice puddings, SIS Go energy drink, S caps and magnesium granules.

My food table

I set off at mid day and was intending to complete the first fifty by five pm. It took me until six thirty. Why so long? The route starts with a two hundred meter climb in the first two kilometers and is quite exposed. The wind was up and tearing into me making me colder and colder. I added layers and fuel to the furnace in the form of lots of food. Nothing I did seemed to work.

After four rounds I was doubting my abilities and switched to a much shorter but flatter one kilometer route. Round and round I went and soon darkness fell and it got colder. At nine pm I had done 60km still well below target and getting slower. I changed into long leggings and added my Care Keep Warm top. At that time Mark Woolley called and told me not to worry about the distance but just to keep going.

Young Ross had come out a few times and cycling alongside side me. We talked about a load of crap but I was still moving.

At midnight I had a cup of tea and a dump but still only 80km in the bag

Around 2:00am I changed the route again to an even smaller one as I was going past a farmhouse and kept waking their dogs and disturbing them.

Around 4:30am I really had had enough and went for a rest in the warm. I snuck down to the cellar and crashed only to be abruptly woken up by Nick Papageorge, who told me it was only my chimp and I should get back out there.

As I walked up the stairs Chrissy came down and reiterated Nick's words and after a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea I went out again and managed two circuits of ten kilometers, watching the sunrise and chasing deer.

Sunrise over the Hoch Taunus

Then the wind started again and I swapped to the one kilometer route. Tom came out at 11:00am and cycled around the last few rounds with me and I even managed a final six minute km.

So in the end 140km done, pretty much on my own and fully recovered within a day or so. Not to bad I suppose. It didn't help that I didn't have intermediate targets like checkpoints or cut off times. Or anyone to run with for long periods of time.

To and fro

It has been a while. Mentally (Cockbain  is going to love this bit,  "Get a Grip") I had a really bad February and an absolutely shit March. Things were going on that really hit me for six.  I might write about it one day.  It seems to be a proper ultra runner you have to have not only a blog, but a book. Like James Adams for instance, did you know he has a book out. 

Training
To recover my lack of fitness I have started running the 16-17km to and from work. As I travel to Dortmund on a Monday and return on a Thursday this means I can get six runs in. With rounding, it makes 100km in four days. Not bad but probably not enough for Paul Ali. 

One of the things I like about doing this is working out the best route. A Google map is fine but the cycling and walking route calculation is still in beta and it shows. The given route expects me to run through allotments, that might be ok in the UK, but in Germany the allotments are jealously guarded. They have large sheds on them that have running water and electricity. This summer you will find Germans having a barbecue on their allotment consuming beer and watching the world cup on big flat screen TVs. As a consequence the allotment area has very secure gates and there is no way through. 

Another issue is the fact that this part Germany, the Ruhr area, is very flat and has a lot of large drainage canals. Google wants you to run along these. Some of them have been refurbished recently and have paths for you to walk cycle or run along. Many have not been touched for years and are overgrown. Strictly speaking they are off limits with great big signs stating entrance is forbidden. 

Entering the system is connected with danger and not allowed

This appears to be more of a guide line as there are always people walking their dogs along them. Being foreign and new to the area I didn’t know these unwritten permissions, so it took me a little while to start using the forbidden areas and paths. 

There is a long tunnel  under six lanes of the motorway plus hard shoulders and has no lighting. I tried it the once and by the time you are in the middle you can't see the floor without a headlamp, but there is light at the end of the tunnel showing you where to go. 

Rats are scurrying and squeaking along the floor as I run by. The question is should I put the lamp on and see them or just ignore them. They squeak violently as you tread on them. 

The drainage canal is too wide to jump across, so before going under the tunnel I have to make sure I cross over on the bridge before entering. Otherwise I am stuck on the wrong side for several kilometres drifting away from my intended direction. 

i

At one stage Google suggested I crossed the busy A45, that is A as in autobahn or motorway. Needless to say I didn't take to that suggestion, but it mystified me why Google would suggest it. I eventually worked out it is suggesting that I should take the drainage ditch tunnel under the motorway. 

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I don't mind running on concrete tarmac or trails, but I so hate running on busy streets. I tweak my route to avoid these. For instance the other morning instead of taking the route through Huckarde,  I ran alongside of a forest. This took me on further but more pleasant route.

I have route sorted now and almost all of it is along canal banks and forest with a bare minimum on streets. These are hard packed core or tarmac,  nice and firm and suitable training for Sparta 

The five am rise and alarms from the 5am Unts , Tiny and Ugly,  gets me going.  It is great running at that time of day seeing the sun rise. It really sets you up for the day.

Planning

As I have missed out on the Viking Way I am doing a self support 24hour on Good Friday to Saturday. The aim is to go keep going at a reasonable consistent pace as long as possible. I should get the first 100km in under 12 hours and then it matter of seeing if I can repeat it.

The next booked races are some confidence builders
I hope to squeeze in Thames Path 100 if I get my new contract in Milton Keynes and can get my new employer to pay for the flights. I could then get the Celebrity medal giver, James Adams to autograph my shit.

7-8th June TorTourdeRuhr 230km (http://tortourderuhr.de/)

2-3 August C2CUltra 224km (http://www.c2cultra.com/)

Speed work 

16th August Leipzig 100km http://www.nachrichtendienst.org/100LE/joomla/

31st August koberstaedter Wald Marathon http://www.koberstaedter-marathon.de/

7th September Siegner Marathon (http://marathon.anlauf-siegen.de/)

The Big one 

26-27 September Spartathlon (http://www.spartathlon.gr/)

The return to finish with Tom Jones

5-7 December The Hill (http://www.thehillultra.com/)

Ultra running answered in 20 questions

1) Why do you run?

I have no idea and I don't care if you run or not. 

2) Why do you run so far?

To feel a sense of accomplishing something impressive and the adulation of mere mortals.

3) Isn't it unhealthy?

I suppose it could be if you do it wrong. Running is no more unhealthy than sitting on your fat arse watching TV,  eating crisps and drinking beer.

4) Don't you have to be able to run fast?

I don't. But then I never win anything.

5) When you run do start with the left or right foot first?

I don't know and I have no idea if it makes a difference.

6) While you are running how often do you think, ah fuck it let's just stop?

About once every minute. Why do you think I have DNF'd so many times?

7) Do you enjoy it?

Sometimes I feel like a deer moving swiftly through the forest.  Other times I feel like I have feet of lead.

8) Isn't it painful?

Most of what is said about pain is bollocks.  Two of the most annoying quotes are "Pain is weakness leaving the body" and " No pain, no gain."  I don't pretend to know the science.  I leave that to the likes of Mark Hines. But from my experience I know that the correlation between pain and damage is very low.  I have been in loads of pain during a run and the next day felt fine.  I have also felt great and the next day not been able to move. So I mainly ignore it and it goes away. If it persists I go to the Doctors, as that is what I am paying my taxes for. I certainly don't ask an internet forum.

9) Don't you have to train a lot?

Depends what you mean a lot.  Some people do loads more than others. I used to do a lot more than I do now. I average 70-80km a week if that.  Quality over quantity.  Mix up the sessions, intervals, hills, long and FAST. Rest is just as important. 

10) What is the 5 o'clock club?

Mark Woolley says, "Sparta success starts at five not seven."  Getting up at five in the dark and the cold and the wet makes you tougher. Once you have started running it gets really easy and you feel smug for the rest of the day.

11) Don't you have to spend loads on kit?

No. I use the finishers t-shirts.  I wished they did finishers shorts, coz I have loads of t shirts. I am very parsimonious and hardly ever throw anything away. I still use top that I bought for 1998 London  Marathon.

12) Don't you get through loads of shoes

No,  I buy about two pairs a year and use them until the uppers fall apart.  When the treads are getting low, I Shoe Goo them.

13) But aren't the shoes expensive?

No,  I use a site called www.21run.com  which do shoes for 20-30% cheaper than the shops.

14) Don't you need specialist shoes like  Hokas, Innov-8 or Salomons?

There are tons of brands out there. Some people swear by them. Other people hate them. I used to know loads about shoe technology, but now I don't give a toss.  As James Adams says," No piece of kit will make you faster." I buy standard Asics GT 2100s. €80 a pair.

15) What about blisters?

What about them? Mark Cockbain says the best thing to do is to ignore them.  If I am doing anything up to 50-60km,  I don't do anything special other than wear Wright double skin socks. For anything longer I use Leukotape Sports Tape on the hot spots and plaster my feet in  Vaseline. In fact I tend to cover lots of my body in vaseline. 

16) Nipples? 

Plasters with vaseline on top.  Feel the burn when the plasters fall off.

17) What about when it is wet and cold?

Minimus jacket and trousers & SealSkinz socks kept me dry on the Hill and it was blowing a storm out there.

18) What do you eat?

Healthy stuff......What? You want to know what healthy stuff is? What am I? A nutritionist? Go and ask a scientist! 

19) Do you use GPS?

During a race the idea is to pace yourself naturally.  I have an adidas sports watch with a MASSIVE face on so I don't need reading glasses in the middle of the night. I was bought a Garmin 910XT for my 50 birthday which I use during training.  I honestly didn't realise it was a Triathlon watch when I got it.  But I have hardly used it for swimming.  As for cycling,  bikes are the work of the devil.  

20) There is no 20. If you take any of the advice above and it hurts you it is not my fault. And what the fuck are you doing still reading this when you know you should be out running?  DICKHEAD!