Good enough

The last 18  months of Running have not gone well for me. I have not  been happy at all and it was all becoming a chore. My performance were getting worse and the number of DNFs rising. It culminated in another  at the Wuppertal 100km. I mean seriously, who the fuck is so weak as to DNF a 100km...shit right? 

I took the decision to withdraw from Spartathlon, as I knew I couldn’t do it justice and I would rather my place went to someone more deserving. Fortunately a lovely guy  Tarique got my place on the British Spartathlon Team. I wish him well. 

I was trying to get out of doing a 24 hour race in June as well  because I was so shite. Three things stopped me. 

1. Russell Tullet and Sandra Hopkins were coming over to crew me. They had already paid for their flights and insisted that I do it. They wanted to crew someone through a 24 hour as they had never done that before. 
2. 
   

2. Robbie Britton started coaching me. I still don’t quite understand why, but who am I to argue. 
3. 
   

3. Chrissy, told me me to stop being arse and go out and enjoy my running again. "You are always too hard on yourself and set goals way too high. Just do it and have a laugh with Russ and Sandra." 
4. 
   

Robbie had about six weeks to get me ready. He cut the volume of training right down to barely 50 km a week. This consisted of a vo2 max interval session mid-week and a lactate threshold at the weekend. Everything else was easy Running and two yes TWO rest days a week.   I haven’t run that little in years. Normally I try and do two sessions a day for at least three days a week. This plan was so easy that I actually enjoyed it. Having someone tell me what to do also took the pressure off. Therefore rather than having a plan that was too hard, that I didn’t achieve and made me miserable,  I had an easy plan that I could do and enjoyed. 

Slowly I started to enjoy my running again. The only negative was that my weight ballooned from around  72- 74kg  to 75-77kg. I have always struggled with my weight and it is the reason why I took up running in the first place. Obviously I run better with a lower weight and it is still on my calendar to get some proper help. Heck if I have a coach for running I might as well get one for eating. 

The day before the race I picked up a rental car ad loaded it up with food supplies,  a collapsible double chair for Russ and Sandra to sit on, a sleeping bag for them to stay warm if they went and slept in the car.  All my food would be placed on a collapsible picnic table. Having everything at waist height makes a lot of difference.  

Having read Renee McGregor's Training food I was going with a real food option. So instead of tailwind or other carb drink I diluted juices with the same amount of water. Instead of a load of gels at the beginning I was going with Snickers crisps and homemade peanut butter biscuits.  Everything I drank and ate is in the spreadsheet at the end of this of this blog. 

I picked Sandra and Russell up at the airport at just after nine and we drove up to Stadtoldendorf taking about  three hours.  After setting up on one side of the race track in one of the two  the coaches cabins on the side of the track I introduced them to German wurst and coffee which are both very different to the UK equivalent. 

I got changed in the car park, remembering to Vaseline my nether regions and grease my feet with baby cream, as I was in such a rush last very I forgot to to do that and ended up with sore bollocks from the first hour or so. 

My shoes were greeted with disgust by Russell.  

"You can’t run in them! " said Russ

"Why not?" I replied

"They haven’t got any heels"

"Oh that’s not all. The side here  has a hole."   I said poking two fingers though said hole.  

"Jesus Christ. You are just slipping them on. Are you not going to tie them up?"

"Nah I never do."

"Does Robbie know you are running in shoes that are literally falling apart? "

"It will be fine Russ. Chill"

"You are remarkable chill."

"Yeah don’t worry about that, I will start shitting myself at around four hours in. So be happy I am relaxed at the moment. "

We went off to the start and took a few photos. I set off at the back of the pack at a nice and easy pace. I didn’t know what it was as I had decided not to wear a race watch. Partly to reduce the amount of worrying I do and secondly because it is on it’s last legs. I have a very old Garmin 910xt and the water proof covers over the buttons have started to come off. The watch is covered in gaffer tape now.

I know what I want for Crimbo. 

 The plan was to run for 25-27 minutes and then walk a lap while eating something. I was also drinking half a litre of diluted fruit juice an hour. This worked out for the first three hours. And then a sense of impending doom started to creep up on me. My stomach was full and my pace was slipping and I was going into a dip. 

Russell and Sandra had been up since two am and so they decided to take it in turns sleeping in the car. While that was good for Russell that meant Sandra was left alone to deal with grumpy Rob. I can be a real cunt when I am in that mood. I tried to keep a lid on the grumpiness and Sandra just gave me the odd cuddle. Quite brave of her give the amount of sweat I was pumping out.  

I got on with running and trying to ignore the standings that the announcer gave over the PA. Unfortunately he gave them in German and I had to translate and then tell Sandra so that she could write down the number of laps.  four hours in and I had done 82 laps or 32.8km. 

I thought was quite a way down the field, but knew if I kept going that would change. Lots of people go off to fast and burn out. The guy who was in the lead for the early part ended up crashing out after six hours.  I) change my shirt earlier than the planned six hours to improve my mood.

After five hours my stomach was feeling so full that the only thing left to do was to have a shit. I came out of the toilet and felt very light and a lot better. I started running more easily and focused on staying the course.  

The switch-around where they get you to change direction at six hours came and I was now quite comfortable. I had a pot of rice pudding and more snacks. I changed socks and creamed my feet again. I had no blister at all and had covered  121 laps or 48.4 km .

I noticed he guy who came second last year was going at a good pace., however the people who interested me the most were the walkers. Stefan Mack who had completed a six day in Hungary with Yiannis Kouros by the same method. Roy Bainbridge who was wearing the wrong number. He was 82 years old and they had given him 84. He told me he completed his first ultra at the age of 65 100km in 10:10. There was a lady walking with a full back pack on Beate.Beinicke. 

  

Night started to come on and we were entertained by a guitarist playing all sorts of guitar hits on a make shift stage set in the back of big articulated lorry. A load of Oasis and AC DC. It all helps pass the time.  

Sandra and Russell swapped place with Sandra getting some shut eye in the car. Russell kept the cold away by wrapping up in a hoody and using a BST buff as a face mask. It was like asking a mugger for food. I took the opportunity to put my Care keep warm top on that would see me through the house of darkness. As the music was turned down low I picked up my phone and played podcasts and music during the hours of darkness. Being closed to mid summer it was dark for quite a short period. Like 10:30 to 15:30.

At 2:00 am we changed direction again and I swapped socks and creamed my feet. Less than twelve hours to go and I was feeling good and had covered 228 laps or 91.2km. By this time I was necking Red bull and waiting for the dawn to break with some  trepidation.  Last year I quit not long after dawn.  Once you have done 14 hours and you realise there is another 10 to do it is quite heart breaking.  I focused on finishing and counting down.  

some where around 6:00 am I felt lacking in enregy and Sandra and Russ started pumping sugar into me  at a furious rate. I had my first every Waffle,  I have never liked the look of them, but when Russ came over with a sugar covered one I could hardly say no.  It was quite tasty.  The sugar seemed to work as my mood picked up by 7:30am  and by 8:00am I knew I had less than six hours to go.  I changed into my British Spartathlon Team  finishers shirt from 2015 and knew it was only a matter of a few hours.  within half an hour I had to make a new pit stop as my bollocks where starting to sting from the sweat in the shorts. 

9:00am came  and the sun was well and truly up and the temperature was rising.  Russ came over to me and said 

"I am only every going to say this to you once, bend over."

I did as I was told and he  soaked my head in cold water.  

I started moaning at this time and tried to get away with walking although my legs and feet felt fine.  Sandra and Russ started pacing me a bit.  If this ever happens to you DO NOT get Sandra to pace you.  She moans so much about how slow and pathetic you are you have to run to get away from her.

The end was insight and I started throwing in faster laps just for something to do. I worked out even after 20 plus hours of running I could do a two minute lap.

As the hooter for the end approached Russ got my Liverpool towel out and draped it over my shoulders and then got me  a beer as it finally went off and I dropped my marker just short of 393 laps or 157.83km.  

Almost 100 hundred miles.  Ok not a 100 miles,  not a Spartathlon qualifier, still some  20km short of that. But it was a second place, my first ever podium finish and considering how shit I was a month before and how heavy I am I was quite pleased. Interestingly I managed to put on a kilo during the race.  Seriously how does that happen?

The pacing over all was not as flat I would have liked, but there is a lot to build on 

Feeling much better

AIt has been almost a week since I withdrew from Spartathlon and it is a real weight lifted from my shoulders. It has not only affected me mentally but also physically. I have started sleeping better with longer periods of deep sleep. I walk taller, no mean feat for a short arse like me. And my weight is better.

Most importantly I have started enjoying running again. I went out three days on the trot. All of them runs around my local lake in Langendreer West, the Umminger See. It was a joy to go out and just run for the sheer pleasure of it. To see everything around me with new eyes instead of obstacles to running fast enough. This time of year the geese are sheparding their goslings, squirrels, red ones, are scampering around and there are masses of people around enjoying the sun.

There was was quite a lot of reaction to my last blog on Facebook. People not quite believing that having gone to Spartathlon for the last five years that I had really quit. Greeks stunned and giving me a chance to reconsider.   That race really does mean a lot to me and it was the hardest decision related to run I have made. I really will miss going. That race deserves respect and a chance to run it. I really could not justify going and spending all that money to fail and for it to turn into a jolly again. Besides I have opened up a place for other people who have more desire than me at the moment. I am so pleased that Tarique is first off the waiting list. After chatting to him in numerous occasions I know he wants it more than me at the moment.

A short word about my beloved Chrissy. She is going to hate this bit, sorry baby, but you expressed it so much better than I did. Those of you that know both of us will have spotted she is the sensible sophisticated one, I am just a zero, to paraphrase the  Stereo MCs. Hence her reaction was quite out of character.
She read all  the comments about me having time to get fit and was quite annoyed. 

"I just want to tell them all to F Off. I want my husband back. I want him enjoying running and not hating it."

That amused me, when Chrissy resorts to actually saying an F, you better watch out. Also the fact everyone wants me to go but do not understand the cost implications. As a contractor every day not at work costs me a shed load. Shelling out close to a thousand euros and not getting anything at the end is just plain daft.

And that's it. The point of my running is a cheap way to stay fit mentally and physically and not enjoying it or spending money and not running hardly​ achieves those goals.

On a positive note I received several very kind offers of coaching. Chrissy was rather dismayed, but I explained that someone telling me what to do was a lot less stressful than me trying to meet my own goals, so we agreed to try explore the offer.

I took some time to think about it and took one of them up on it. I was pleasantly surprised that the plan they offered was a lot easier than what I target to do myself.

So I am going to give that a go. I have six weeks to get fit for a twenty four hour race. The original idea was to get an Spartathlon autoqualifier, but now it is to enjoy running in circles and getting lost in myself for a day. No watch,  no worrying about the distance covered. Just enjoy running and having fun with my crew, Russell and Sandra. It will be a blast.

Commit or quit

Another race another failure.
The fact of the matter is that am not committed enough to make the grade. It is hard to admit but it is the ultimate truth. My performances over the last last few years have got worse and worse. I used to aim for an average of ten kilometres a day so that my year's total would be 3650km. But in the last year it has not been above 2700.

Over the past few years, I have read loads on training, both mental and physical and nothing really works. Nothing gets deep down inside me that gets me up to the level of training that got me that marvelous finish at Spartathlon.

I have tried to kid myself in lots of ways. So many ways.

The list of stuff I have read is endless
The chimp paradox
The inner critic
The obesity code
The lore of  running
Ultramarathon man
Running and stuff​
Burn the fat feed the muscle
Our natural diet
Buddhism
Mindfulness

I have kept a daily dairy and written blogs.
I have contributed to running magazines such as Like the wind and Ultra and the odd book. I have starred in a film on Spartathlon and given talks on running.

I have been an active participant on the Ultra Running Community Facebook page. I have  assisted the British Spartathlon Team in bringing them together and sorting their kit out in for the last two years and will do so again this year. I even assisted Alex KM on his trans Europe run.

I know several race directors and top ultra runners on a personal level. I have chatted endlessly with them trying to find that missing  je ne sais quoi.

I have read stuff on diets, paelo, low fat high carb, high fat low carb, vegetarianism. I have talked to more  nutritionist​s then I care to admit...they are an odd bunch. I think more bollox is written about nutrition than any other subject than is saying something from a guy interested in politics, philosophy and economics.

I have been tested this way and that. I had bloods taken. Had  more than a few endoscopy and colonoscopies done and let me tell you evacuating your digestive system and have camera rammed up your arse and down your throat is not as much fun as you might think.

I have been to a heart specialist and had heart ultrasounds, ecgs and even done running tests in laboratory conditions.

No one has found anything remarkable about me other than my low resting heart rate, which is under forty beats minute, and low iron levels. They have no clue why the iron level is so low which is more than a little worrying.

I have even focused on friends who can no longer run and tried to use that as a motivational thing. I owe them more of an apology for this self pitying drivel than I can express in words on a written page.

Nothing seems to work anymore. I keep searching for a magic pill that does not exist.

I can't in all honesty say that I will be ready for spartathlon or any other race this year. So I have withdrawn.

I have one more commitment this year and then that's it for a while. I would like to say it has been fun, but it stopped being that a while ago.

I am just tired of training and failing. Of spending time away from my family at races that never deliver the results I want.

Time for a break.

PS this is not a plea for help, so don't try. I have to fix this myself.

Alek K M fun run

Friday evening I met with Alek Barefoot who is running the length of Europe north to south. We struggled to get his trolley into my flat and he had to remove the wheels. 

After a pizza we went off to the Bochum Christmas market. The idea was to show him it quickly and get some rest before heading out the next morning for Cologne. As we got back to the station instead of waiting for the next train we supped a cheeky one and got talking to a couple of German lads. Two to three hours later I managed to drag him away.

He spent most of the evening on my bathroom floor talking on the Great White Telephone to Huey and Erik.

He was still at it the next morning...that didn't stop the run though. We set off a little late and headed for the Kemmande See. Less than ten km in and he needed a sit down..."you have too much of a racing mentality...you need to chill Rob" he said in face of my disgust at resting so early.

We headed on and got some breakfast in Witten and then headed for Sprockhövel. What a great place name. The route was very hilly and mainly climbing, about 300m by the time we got to the outskirts of Wuppertal. That doesn't seem much but when you have to push a big three wheeled trolley containing all of Aleks kit plus my heavy laptop it makes a lot of difference. 

I wanted to reach Wuppertal by 13:00 and we were a little late but not enough to panic. I had been eating my homemade energy bars all morning so the opportunity to have some proper food was welcome. This was two cheese burgers and half portion of fries. Half a portion? Yeah because that thieving barefoot runner knicked the other half.

We arrange to meet another barefoot runner, Basty and Aleks' logistics man Guido on the old Nordbahn track.This is a disused railway line that is now tarmaced and used for walking running cycling and biking.

The two new guys were very fresh and set off at quick pace that took a bit of effort for me to keep up with. Aleks was fine though. He had fully recovered from the previous evening and was running well. On the frozen tarmac he managed to slide great distances as his sandals have very little grip.

We stopped and took pictures at the start of Guido's 100km race. After this diversion we headed west and then south and then picked up the river Wupper. The idea was to follow this to the Rhine and then south to Cologne.

Most of this time I was running ahead alone to test how I was feeling and how the head was coped with the idea of not reaching Cologne in time

I knew I could keep going and be happy. At some point the other three hatched a plan to curtail our adventure early. Guido had a injury and Aleks' was concerned about getting me on a train

We decided to head to Solingen station and get a bite to eat. After that Basti and I could get a train to Cologne and the other headed back to Guido's place in Wuppertal.

All in all a fun day out. About 70km done. No injuries, no tiredness, head all good

Week 8 of 52

It has been a while. Lost interest I suppose. Started the marcothon today. That should motivate me.