Thursday, 3 October 2019

30 days days of praise

As a reward for actually finishing a race a friend offered to send me 30 days of praise. Needless to say he was not expecting me to finish and was then stuck with having to come up with 30 days of sarcasm dressed up as praise.  I think he did rather well...You may even guess who this smug sarcastic  shitebag is. if you do,  slap him one  from me.

Day 1:  Good morning Rob. May I compliment you on your ability to walk quickly in big circles. I hope you are fit and well today.

Day 2: Good morning Rob. May I offer my congratulations on your run last weekend. I was impressed with your efforts especially for a man of your age.

Day 3: Felicitations good sir and may I tip my hat in your direction after your recent run. It may have been an effort but remember sweat is just all your body fat crying.
Day 4: Hiiiyyyaaa lovely, briiillllliant run on the weekend. U R Ammmmmmaaaazzzing. U ok now hun?

Day 5: Good morning Rob. May I compliment you on your sterling display of intestinal fortitude and mental resilience at last weekends race. I hope to see a further display of these traits at ALL your races going forward.
Day 6: Hey awesome effort dude, great race at the weekend. I knew from the start that you were going to crush it. You got this man!

Day 7: Morning Rob. Running for 24 hours is not just for the elite, young, gifted, athlete. You have proven anyone can do it, congratulations!

Day 8: Morning Rob. You may not be talented. You may not be the best. You work hard. You don’t give up (much). You keep going. You cross start lines. You cross finish lines. YOU ARE A RUNNER!

Day 9: Morning Rob, your third best 24 hour ever is still better than no run at all. Congratulations!
Day 10: Rob, salutations and greetings. Remember the runner you were before your race was weak compared to the one you are today.

Day 11: Rob, I admire your physical ability to withstand many miles on your feet and your mental toughness. You sir are a stable genius! Anyone who says otherwise is spreading FAKE NEWS!!!

Day 12: Morning Rob. Not everyone will understand why you get up at 5am and run before the sun, in the rain or when it’s cold. That’s ok, you’re here to live your life, not make them understand.... and also to have something to write on your blog.

Day 13: 
Rob, epic effort at the recent race. Never be afraid of being slow. Just be afraid of not trying at all.

Day 14: Good morning Rob, I was thinking about your recent run and it struck me that the miracle was not that you finished the race but you had the courage to start.

Day 15: Good morning Rob, I hope you are recovering well from your recent run. Well done on the finish, I’m glad you didn’t listen to all the doubters who said you couldn’t do it.

Day 16: Morning Rob, congratulations on your recent run. Most impressive considering a man of your size needs to take twice as many steps as other people. Well done!

Day 17: Good morning Rob, congratulations on your recent 126.8km run over 24 hours. Did you know that the 24hr world walking record is only 190km? You should definitely aim for that in the future.

Day 18: Good morning Rob. You sir have proven that you don’t need a runners body to run but you need to run to get a runners body.

Day 19: Good morning Rob, congratulations on finishing the race. Remember slow runners make fast runners look good and I’m sure they appreciated your efforts at your recent race.

Day 20: Congratulations on your third best 24 hour run of 126.8 (I assume you meant miles not km). Very well done!

Day 21: Good morning Rob, may I extend my heart felt praise for a good run. Remember, pain is temporary but your time posted on the internet lasts forever...

Day 22: Good morning Rob. Congratulations on your recent race result. Remember that finished near the back will always trump Did Not Finish which will always trump Did Not Start.

Day 23: Good morning Rob. Congratulations on your recent run, I was particularly impressed by your ability to drag out 126.8km over an entire 24 hour period. Your persistence was most admirable.

Day 24: Good morning Rob. Congratulations on your recent race. Your race strategy to start slowly and maintain a slow pace throughout the entire race showed great determination and discipline particularly when others were running much faster than you.

Day 25: Good morning Rob. Congratulations on your recent run. I was most impressed by your ability control your emotions during the race. It appears you are learning the ability to take personal responsibility for your performances. Well done, this is the first step to becoming an ok runner.

Day 26: Good morning Rob, I salute you on your recent run. The way you demonstrated your incredible navigational skills to avoid ANY bonus mileage during that race was particularly impressive.

Day 27: Good morning Rob. Awesome race man, awesome. Your ability to carry all that body fat around for 24 hours period without breaking down and comparing yourself to much thinner runners was most impressive. Kudos to you sir!

Day 28:  Good morning Rob, congratulations on your recent ultra-athlon. Your ability to stay awake and maintain a brisk walking pace for 24 hours was amazing. I am in awe of your physical and mental capabilities. Legend!

Day 29: Good morning Rob and well done on your recent run. Did you know that a body fat % of over 25% is considered clinically obese? So despite only covering 128.6km in 24 hours, if you consider the fact that you were pushing 29% body fat then I think that must be a herculaneum effort. Much respect to you sir

Day 30: Good morning Rob, well done on your recent run. It was adequate.

Bonus One: Hey Rob, I’ve just passed 126.8km into the race in 15.5 hours and it made me think how amazing it was you managed to spread that distance out across a full 24 hour period. Your mental determination to maintain a slow pace was incredible.

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